Hello, my dear readers. ✨ Like I mentioned in the previous post, I’m gonna get serious about updating the blog more regularly this year, and to make good on that word, I have something really cool for today’s post! “What’s that?”, you’re excitedly asking?
Why, it’s– WE INTERRUPT THE REGULARLY SCHEDULED BLOG POST FOR A VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE!
In 2016, the legend of Reigen really started to spread. You likely found yourself reading this because of the rumors you’ve heard about his amazing psychic abilities, his absolute mastery of exorcism techniques, and maybe even that nagging rumor that he’s an amazing mentor to the youth of our fair city.
Well, all of those rumors are indeed true!
Spirits and Such can really solve all of your problems (for a nominal, negotiable fee) from both this world and the next! And don’t worry, the problem is rarely you: it’s spirits and wayward evil energy that have you down, certainly nothing to do with any life choices you’ve made along the way!
You’ve probably already seen the murmurs on the internet about my feats: exorcising ghosts from haunted tunnels, schools, and even disbanding a devious cult. It’s all true, of course, but I don’t really like to brag about it; I understand that my gift is an especially powerful one, and I only mean to use it for good! Earlier this year, I even helped a poor, hapless farmer save his fields and crops from the clutches of a vicious spirit, accepting only some of his bounty as payment in lieu of money. After all, I don’t do this only for the money, but to really help people! Don’t be fooled by any other service or group that promises to rid you of ghosts but asks for cash on demand; I’ll be happy to negotiate terms that will leave you ghost-free and keep me comfortable, but not too comfortable, because, again, it’s a service I provide out of the goodness of my heart and the strength of my gifts. But I do need to eat and pay rent of course!
Now, you might say: “But Reigen, I don’t believe in ghosts or espers or anything like that,” and I can understand that mindset. It is hard for normal people to sense the world around them and how things actually work, but believe me: that’s what ghosts WANT you to think. They want you to think they don’t exist so they can run havoc on your life, possessing your body, taking things from you, and possibly even doing great harm to you! Don’t buy into ghost propaganda: they are real, and let me tell you something else: you’re free real estate! But don’t worry; busting ghosts makes me feel good, and my customers are so overjoyed by their exorcisms that they leave me huge tips as a reward! I feel bad about taking them, but I understand their gratitude and don’t want to be rude. As a reminder, we take most forms of payment, but cash is preferred!
At Spirits and Such, your health is our utmost concern, both mentally, physically, and spiritually. We will ensure that not only do you leave our office your otherworldly concerns taken care of, but you’ll find that our unique exorcism techniques will leave you feeling like you’ve just had the most enjoyable massage of your entire life! My patented Sorcery Crush will chase all of your worries away in a flash, providing a service that no other so-called psychic or medium can provide! We also will take care of spirit photography issues, wall hauntings, spirit sealings (with free painting service included!), and aroma based exorcisms; ghosts HATE it, but YOU’LL love it! We offer a fine variety of salts, both for home use and spiritual use, and as the Greatest Psychic of the Century, let’s just say I’m worth my weight in salt.
Also, just know that every dollar you spend with me and on my abilities goes to helping keep the lights on, but it also goes to my extensive mentoring program. As of this moment I have three young charges that I am helping to hone their powers, and while they are nowhere near as powerful as I am, I’m ensuring that the youth of our fair society are growing up knowing how to use their powers for good, and helping to rid us of evil spirits! My best student, Mob, has helped so much that he’s even undertaken some exorcisms on his own (with my guidance, of course!), and he’s really developing into an upstanding and kind young man. Many other psychics will try to fleece you out of your money so they can live high on the hog, but here at my office, I make sure your money goes right back into the community, where you live and work, and where your children play!
Even if you don’t need an exorcism right now, we are also happy to take donations to help keep the mentoring going! So, come on down to my office for a free consultation today; we can certainly help you with anything that ails you, all for reasonable, fair fees! And don’t believe anything you see online about negativity or scams; remember, ghosts can use the internet, and they love to cause mischief! In fact, you should take any negative reviews you find as a badge of honor, just showing you how many ghosts are really afraid of me! Just be warned: we don’t provide curses or any other negative services, unlike other, shadier establishments. Sorry, but we run an honest business here meant only to help make people feel lighter!
So why wait? Book your appointment with the greatest psychic of the 21st century RIGHT NOW! Don’t delay, contact Spirits and Such today!
And now back to your regularly scheduled blog post!
And THAT, my dear readers, is why Majima is the BEST BOY in the entirety of the Yakuza series. …Huh, what’s that? You didn’t get to read why he’s best boy? Psychics? Ghosts? *sighs* What am I going to do with you, my dear readers? I’ll just have to drive the case home in a future post. It’s okay, I’ll have even more reasons why you too should fall in love with the Mad Dog of Shimano!
Until next time~
Figuratively Speaking 